I am in a bad place tonight.

Yeah, if one party is unwilling, then that does change the math.  Sorry man.  :(

Recon1342 said:

In reply to Stampie :

We are filing uncontested. We've agreed upon everything in the presence of an attorney, and are simply waiting for the paperwork. 

 

I don't see how people can handle the years-long process like my sister-in-law is dealing with. 

This is the way. I remember my sister demanding that her soon to be ex sell his classic truck and give her half. His dad gave him the truck and it had been in his family for years. She just wanted to hurt him and didn't care what it cost or how long the divorce took. She paid her lawyer more than the truck was worth. I had no idea what he paid his lawyer for this fiasco. 

An uncontested divorce is one thing you have to be thankful for. 

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

An uncontested divorce is one thing you have to be thankful for. 

Yes, it is. 

Thank you for the perspective. 

Recon1342 said:

I can focus on myself, fix the problems I know I have, and devote myself to being a good dad.

There is a lot of dirty laundry I have not aired in this thread, and I never will. Just know that looking back I see a lot of issues with MrsRecon that I was blind to while in the relationship. 

 

Hindsight is always 20/20.  While there may have been issues that you didn't see, many great things came out of the relationship.  That chapter in your life is now closing and you're about to write a new one.  It sounds like you're taking all the right steps and handling it the right way.  I'm now 7 years post talk of divorce and 5 years since actually divorcing.  There's still pain from the split, but this new chapter of my life is beyond my wildest dreams.  Hopefully in time yours will be too.

I got a card in the mail yesterday from my in-laws with a short note letting me know they are thinking of me. 

It's a small step, but I'll absolutely take it for the win it is.

Recon1342 said:

I got a card in the mail yesterday from my in-laws with a short note letting me know they are thinking of me. 

 

It's a small step, but I'll absolutely take it for the win it is.

That's good to hear. In the future it will be best for your kids to keep a good relationship with them. If they are not local, in the years ahead keep in touch and share your perspective of your children as the grow.

...and RallyX this weekend. https://www.facebook.com/events/2322733641463013

In reply to AAZCD-Jon (Forum Supporter) :

Not gonna make the rally x.

I got invited down to Ogden, Utah for a hike and sushi with a friend, so I'll be going south...

Recon1342 said:

In reply to AAZCD-Jon (Forum Supporter) :

... I got invited down to Ogden, Utah for a hike and sushi with a friend, so I'll be going south...

Awesome. Sounds like a great plan.

You're blessed that this is happening without a ton of attorneys, court time and anger...

In reply to docwyte :

And I am incredibly thankful for it.

The thing that's always stuck with me is that in a divorce where you get lawyers involved, the only ones who really win are the lawyers usually... 

My Brother, 

I am in a very similar situation to you, albeit partially of my own doing. the Mrs and I separated in January after 8 years together. The last 3 were a battlefield. She was Canadian I am American. My plan was to have her and the kids move to the US when we got together. Unfortunately Covid killed that plan, and I basically got forced to move north to try to save the relationship, returning to sell off what remained of life as I knew it. I had a one night indiscretion that lead to a brief physical encounter (which I stopped), it did not go all the way for lack of a better term. I never quite assmilated north and was unable to find meaningful work for a long time, partly due to the pandemic, plus beyond that waiting for immigration paperwork etc. I owned a home stateside and we bought one there with some of the proceeds, and lived off my savings for years but eventually they dwindled, we were both somewhat financially irresponsible, and spent at a rate that was not sustainable. At some point, she found out about my indiscretion and was privy to the whole transcript and became the ultimate scorned woman. 

For years she tortured me acting like I had had a full blown affair and did not stop, as the financial pressure mounted, so did the attacks, until finally a breaking point came. She kicked me out in January, and i left with $47 in my pocket and my old pickup truck and some clothes, and I had the keys to a friends parents condo that was used seasonally. I could stay there for about two months until they returned. I left her the house, and everything, I even gave her the truck back months later, mostly because I couldn't import it and I had promised it to my stepson anyway.  I thought my life was over. I am going to be 50 in a few months, and i found myself alone, and with nothing, and for all intents and purposes no one.

I completely had to start over. New job, new everything. I struggled, I went to bed hungry, and I walked around the grocery store looking for the cheapest combination of things that would fill my belly and not actively try to kill me. I found a job about a month in, and she found one about 3 months in. BUT to this day I help her financially to try to keep the house she cant afford on her own, and to try to knock down the credit card debt we amassed together. At some point there was talk of a reconciliation. I would spend weekends back "home". We shared a bed, we talked. Then out of the blue she became cold, after yet another fight about money. She went from come to the house, to I will meet you somewhere for a coffee. I could tell there was someone else. She admitted it that day and proceeded to berate me and sing his praises. I found a job, and I'm doing well. I have a condo I rent, I bought a new car (albeit at an atrocious interest rate bc my credit is ravaged), and I can pay my current bills.  Plus I had some left over to help her and the kids.

About a month later she came to me and was clearly in distress. She was scared and panicked. She was expecting and it wasnt mine. And yet I supported her, i helped her through it, and she deicided to keep the child, as she does not believe in termination. Yet god had other plans and she ended up losing it. And I was there every step of the way. And I thought this was the moment that we would figure things out. She never admitted any wrong doing or anything, she simply said that we were separated and she was free to do as she wished, and that she did nothing wrong. Here we are three months later and she is back to constantly berating me and demanding money and me being useless. I truly am just an ATM to her at this point. 

Life will be ok no matter what. You will either figure it out with her, or figure it out without her. Trust me when I tell you that lawyers are the last thing you need. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, you will be ok. Some days will be better than others, but you will be ok. Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk, i've been there and I live with it every day. 

Well... the weekend went well. 

I am physically tired, but mentally refreshed; spent a lot of time just talking with my friend and working through things...

In reply to Recon1342 :

It's good to see you in a much better brain space.

Stampie said:

In reply to Recon1342 :

It's good to see you in a much better brain space.

Me sentiments as well.

I'm still fighting, guys. 

Just having a really hard day. 

I talked to my girls last night; they were at Corey's house, along with everyone else in the friend group except me. 

I miss our Wednesday night get-togethers, and I'm berkeleying pissed that Cass still gets them and I get left out in the cold, so to speak. 

I havent heard from any of them since I texted them last week. 

So, yeah... 

I'm feeling super important today.

two-zero-eight nine-six-nine zero-nine-zero-zero if you want to send a text or something. 

I have interviews this afternoon (I'm one of the interviewers at my company), so I may not respond immediately. 

berkeley.

In reply to Recon1342 :

I have texted the friend group and let them know how I was feeling, so they are aware... 

In reply to Recon1342 :

I saw your second post and thought that was someone replying that thought sending a text to the number above was sending a group text to those guys.  I'm not the brightest but if I could I'd text them for ya.

So that totally blew up in my face. 
 

I was formally called out on my "bullE36 M3". 
 

"You never maintained relationships"

"You didn't stay up with us and have the deep conversations"

"You always changed the subject to frivolous things"

Well excuse me for being berkeleyed up in the head after three berkeleying combat deployments, the loss of more friends than I care to remember and yet can't forget, and wanting someone to reach out because they actually berkeleying thought of me. 
 

Apparently it's all my fault. 
 

I doubt Cass has admitted to any wrong doing amongst the friend group. 
 

Lord knows she would never admit being wrong to me. 

In reply to Stampie :

Nah, that's my number. 
 

None of them seem to be interested in a broke as berkeley jarhead. 
 

Thanks for the text, Stamps. It's been a really rough afternoon. 

Just a thought but maybe a group thing isn't your thing.  Trying to figure out how to explain this but I know I'm the type in a large group to be an introvert but I think that in more one on one situations I'm more open.  Honestly I think quality lays in that deeper connection.

Well, we got the air cleared. 
 

They now understand where I am coming from, at least. I also flew off the handle about PTSD and depression being a choice... got an apology for that. 
 

I also apologized for flipping my E36 M3 everywhere. 
 

I still think I'm going to keep them at arms length for a bit. 
 

I'm not sure I feel safe sharing my trauma with them right now. 

The folks here are some of the finest strangers on the internet, and we don't mind if you keep sharing here.  In fact, we welcome it (at least I think I speak for most of us)

I'm so glad you got some closure.

In reply to Everyone:

Thanks for the text messages and words of support. 
 

It means a lot. Seriously. 
 

Having my world yanked out from under me has made things really difficult.

Curtis- I will continue to share. 

Sadly enough in situations like this you find out who your true friends are.  Seek those people out and get their support.  You will continue to have ups and downs, do your best to try to stay level headed and ride them out.  If things are getting feisty with Cass, take a step back and let both of you cool off.