I am in a bad place tonight.

In reply to Recon1342 :

Feeling like you are losing the world you're accustomed to is terrible. It's impossibly hard, but, in time you will find whole new worlds to explore. They'll be different, but it will get there. 

Like I said, keep pulling. A whole bunch of us are pulling for you too. 

I suck at words of wisdom but goddammit do I have sarcasm to share!

Sent a text, hit me back if the situation calls for sarcasm

So, contrary to my online presence, I'm actually quite introverted. I can handle people and crowds and what not, but I absolutely have to have alone time to recharge the social batteries. 
 

I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. 
 

I think that's part of why this has upset me so much... I choose friends carefully, and to get blindsided like this is hurtful. 
 

Anyways, just a thought. 
 

Chime in. Or don't. 
 

I'm not your mother. 
 

good night, everybody, and thanks again for the support. 

In reply to Recon1342 :

Makes total sense, I'm also very introverted and I could count the number of people I'd open up to on one hand, and probably not more than one at a time. If even one of your friends doesn't have your back it feels like there aren't many more people you could turn to. I'm more of a bottle up the feelings and go it alone person anyway, that way your friends can't hurt your feelings more and you only have to shoulder all the problems by yourself!

I'm not much help with this, you can see why I haven't posted in this thread before...

In reply to ddavidv :

miss me with this misogynist baloney. That's way too red pill and as far as i'm concerned, not real. It takes emotional maturity to accept your own faults and responsibilities whether you are a man or a woman.

In reply to ddavidv :

The fact that Cass has not admitted any fault to me simply means she has more work to do on reaching emotional maturity; no more, no less. 

We are, all of us, broken in some form or fashion. 

Grace and healing comes when we admit that other people are just as broken as we are, and forgive them regardless. 

I'm working hard on the forgiveness part. 

budget_bandit said:

In reply to ddavidv :

miss me with this misogynist baloney. That's way too red pill and as far as i'm concerned, not real. It takes emotional maturity to accept your own faults and responsibilities whether you are a man or a woman.

[edit]  Never mind.  This is about Recon, not someone else.

ddavidv said:

Cass not taking any responsibility is right out of the standard operating procedures manual for females. It's just how they are wired. Accepting that will reduce your anger and disappointment. Somewhat.

What a berkeleyin load of bullE36 M3.  All of it.

In reply to ddavidv :

If you go back and replace "females" with "people" and "men" with "me" then your statements would be a lot more accurate.

As much as I hate to use the word triggered... 

It definitely applies to yesterday's situation. 

The implication that I chose to suffer from mental trauma is a huge button for me.

Nobody needs to tell me I'm berkeleyed up. I already know that... but insinuating it was my choice was a bridge too far. 

Hard to grow and improve when people keep reminding you of everything you've berkeleyed up... 

Yeah, I'm still pissed this morning. 

I hope I can work through this bullE36 M3, because I'm tired of feeling like a shiny happy person.

In reply to Recon1342 :

One thing I've learned in life is you can value yourself on what others think about you or what you think about yourself.  If you have a good self worth then others will generally think the same but if you value their option over yourself then you end up chasing your tail.

Recon1342 said:

As much as I hate to use the word triggered... 

 

It definitely applies to yesterday's situation. 

You hate it because people overuse it. Because they have taken it out of its clinical context and used it to mean, "uncomfortable".

It was meant to describe those strange and unexpected things that can launch someone who has experienced trauma - like yourself - into a surprise Fight/Flight/Freeze/Flatter response.

Which happened to you.

This is legitimate.

The implication that I chose to suffer from mental trauma is a huge button for me.

Nobody needs to tell me I'm berkeleyed up. I already know that... but insinuating it was my choice was a bridge too far. 

Hard to grow and improve when people keep reminding you of everything you've berkeleyed up... 

Yup.

And it sucks because, I get it and I know that you get it. That no one else is going to un-berkeley you except yourself. You can get professional guidance to show you the best way to un-berkeley yourself, and people can support you while you do the work to un-berkeley yourself. But all that work is on you. And you haven't done it yet.

Because you're a tough resilient man who has been able to power through until now, until something big comes along and slaps you upside the head and makes it clear how much...

How much you've been hiking on that fractured leg, and you can't keep hiking on that fractured leg.

And of course you've been irritable! You've been hiking on a fractured leg!

And now you need to stop and see a doctor to heal that fractured leg, and all the people who you thought were hiking buddies are going to just keep hiking without you. Because they don't understand that your leg is fractured and how much it berkeleying hurts. And you've put up with all this pain hiking on a broken leg and trying to smile so that you could hike with them, and they can't stop and sit with you while you take the time finally try to heal.

Yeah.

I get it.

Yeah, I'm still pissed this morning. 

I hope I can work through this bullE36 M3, because I'm tired of feeling like a shiny happy person.

You're not an shiny happy person. You're a surly grouch whose been hiking for years on a fractured leg.

You will go to group counseling with other veterans. You will talk to other people who have hiked and hiked and hiked on their own broken legs. Who understand how much your leg berkeleying hurts even if you don't show it. You will sit down together while your legs heal.

You will see a therapist who will guide you through the painful process of resetting that broken leg so you can give it time to heal and you can walk on it properly. Even if it still hurts sometimes. But you'll get to a point where you will discover that you can start hiking again and actually *enjoy* it, even if you sometimes need to stop and massage that old injury.

You will work through this bullE36 M3.

Recon1342 said:

So, contrary to my online presence, I'm actually quite introverted. I can handle people and crowds and what not, but I absolutely have to have alone time to recharge the social batteries. 
 

I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. 
 

I think that's part of why this has upset me so much... I choose friends carefully, and to get blindsided like this is hurtful. 
 

Anyways, just a thought. 
 

Chime in. Or don't. 
 

I'm not your mother. 
 

good night, everybody, and thanks again for the support. 

I feel this, there's a reason why I live in the middle of nowhere and it ain't because I loved hauling water until we got a well.

Beer Baron 🍺 said:

Recon1342 said:

As much as I hate to use the word triggered... 

 

It definitely applies to yesterday's situation. 

You hate it because people overuse it. Because they have taken it out of its clinical context and used it to mean, "uncomfortable".

It was meant to describe those strange and unexpected things that can launch someone who has experienced trauma - like yourself - into a surprise Fight/Flight/Freeze/Flatter response.

Which happened to you.

This is legitimate.

The implication that I chose to suffer from mental trauma is a huge button for me.

Nobody needs to tell me I'm berkeleyed up. I already know that... but insinuating it was my choice was a bridge too far. 

Hard to grow and improve when people keep reminding you of everything you've berkeleyed up... 

Yup.

And it sucks because, I get it and I know that you get it. That no one else is going to un-berkeley you except yourself. You can get professional guidance to show you the best way to un-berkeley yourself, and people can support you while you do the work to un-berkeley yourself. But all that work is on you. And you haven't done it yet.

Because you're a tough resilient man who has been able to power through until now, until something big comes along and slaps you upside the head and makes it clear how much...

How much you've been hiking on that fractured leg, and you can't keep hiking on that fractured leg.

And of course you've been irritable! You've been hiking on a fractured leg!

And now you need to stop and see a doctor to heal that fractured leg, and all the people who you thought were hiking buddies are going to just keep hiking without you. Because they don't understand that your leg is fractured and how much it berkeleying hurts. And you've put up with all this pain hiking on a broken leg and trying to smile so that you could hike with them, and they can't stop and sit with you while you take the time finally try to heal.

Yeah.

I get it.

Yeah, I'm still pissed this morning. 

I hope I can work through this bullE36 M3, because I'm tired of feeling like a shiny happy person.

You're not an shiny happy person. You're a surly grouch whose been hiking for years on a fractured leg.

You will go to group counseling with other veterans. You will talk to other people who have hiked and hiked and hiked on their own broken legs. Who understand how much your leg berkeleying hurts even if you don't show it. You will sit down together while your legs heal.

You will see a therapist who will guide you through the painful process of resetting that broken leg so you can give it time to heal and you can walk on it properly. Even if it still hurts sometimes. But you'll get to a point where you will discover that you can start hiking again and actually *enjoy* it, even if you sometimes need to stop and massage that old injury.

You will work through this bullE36 M3.

Thank you, BeerBaron.

I felt this in my soul.

BeerBaron is giving good advice, me I'm over here sending Pirate Metal songs that are great to tell people off which Alestorm has a few thankfully.

This is the funnier of the 2 best ones, don't you guys think this is a memorable way to tell off people via text/messenger. You can tell me I'm crazy but if you drop this song, and then mic drop and leave the chat .....you will be remembered lol

In reply to Antihero :

Antihero coming in clutch with the pirate metal!

Thanks for the chuckle, Amigo.

I don't think they are worthy of that just yet...

In reply to Recon1342 :

I mean the next level is this song, so I feel the first song is them getting off easy lol

NOTE:  If you haven't heard this song and you are at work or a place with delicate ear balls about......use headphones or wait til later, it's literally banned if you are in Australia and YouTube won't play it lol

In reply to Antihero :

You had me at banned in Austrialia but damn if they banned that they are way softer than I thought.

Stampie said:

In reply to Antihero :

You had me at banned in Austrialia but damn if they banned that they are way softer than I thought.

I literally had to video chat our friends thru Messenger to play them the song because every link they could find was forbidden to play.

I was shocked, half that song is nearly a normal conversation down there lol

I went for a long bike ride yesterday afternoon, had some dinner, and then went to the football game to watch my youngest daughter cheer at halftime and hang out with the other girls. 
 

It wound up being a pretty decent evening. 

In regards to my friends-

The logical side of me says its only been a couple of days and everybody has their own lives to deal with.

The emotional side wants to bask in the warmth of their burning bridges.

This E36 M3 is hard...

In reply to Recon1342 :

Yeah go back to my post about your in laws.  A lot of people don't know how to deal with stuff and just freeze.  Or they mistakenly believe they have to choose a side.  Don't let other's inability to process emotions affect your emotions.

In reply to Recon1342 :

When I am having any kind of hard time, I want to be by myself for a time and not have to "deal" with anybody's sympathy or advice, or really just being around anyone for a while. I have to remember that people I care about don't feel the same way as me. I say that to say, some of your friends may be giving you the space that they would want if they were in your shoes, not realizing that you are not looking for that space. I say give them some grace for that

Like I said, the logical side of me understands there are difficulties with this situation. 

But the emotional side of me can be a right bastard.

Thanks for letting me vent...